While I am enjoying my coffee on this misty Sunday morning, I find myself reflecting deeply on the complex relationship between canines and Homo sapiens. As a cynologist who has dedicated my life to studying canine behavior and psychology, I, Bart de Gols, have gained profound insights into their minds and souls through countless hours spent observing, interacting with, and training dogs. But even more fascinating to me is how we as humans relate to and teach our dogs about ourselves.

It pains me to say it, but I have noticed a pervasive and troubling phenomenon in nearly all forms of dog training: the human ego consistently takes precedence over the dog's needs and wellbeing. Time and time again, I see people putting their own pride, stubbornness, and need for control ahead of truly listening to and learning from their canine companions. They are so attached to their preconceived notions of how a dog should behave and what training methods are "correct" that they close themselves off to new information, ideas, and solutions that could dramatically improve their relationship with their dog.

At the heart of this issue, in my view, is a fundamental misunderstanding about the nature of the ego, particularly as it relates to dogs. We humans put so much stock in our egos - that is, our sense of self-importance, our identity, and our need to be right. We let our egos dictate our goals, our behavior, and how we relate to others, including our dogs. But what most people fail to grasp is that to a dog, our human egos are nothing more than an illusion.

Dogs, you see, live in the moment, guided by instincts, sensations, and raw experience. They do not construct a "self" based on memories, beliefs, and stories in the way humans do. When your dog looks at you, he does not see a person defined by accomplishments, possessions, mistakes, or status. Your dog simply sees you - a living, breathing being with whom he wishes to connect and interact. To a dog, the human ego is irrelevant; what matters is the present moment and the quality of your relationship right now.

Sadly, when we allow our ego-illusion to dominate our relationship with our dogs, we sever that pure, in-the-moment connection that is so precious to our canines. By clinging to our idea of who we are and what we need, we fail to see our dogs as they truly are. We miss opportunities to learn from them, adapt to their unique personalities, and find innovative solutions to challenges.

I have seen this manifest in myriad ways throughout my career as a cynologist. One common example is the use of dominance-based training techniques, which have been thoroughly debunked by modern behavioral science. Some trainers, though, continue to employ these methods because they appeal to the human ego's need for control and quick results. "Show him who's boss" and "be the alpha" sound good to our ego, but they create confusion, anxiety and reactivity in dogs.

What the ego-driven trainer fails to understand is that leadership is not established through force, fear, and coercion, but through trust, clear communication and positive experiences. When we provide consistent boundaries and rewards, our dog learns to look to us for guidance and make good choices. When we commit to the hard work of building a cooperative partnership based on mutual understanding, respect, and care, we become worthy of our dog's trust and devotion. No amount of domination can create that profound bond.

Another area where I frequently see the ego rear its ugly head is in owners' expectations and assumptions about their dog. So many people get a dog with a fixed idea of what they want: the perfectly obedient companion, the guard dog, the hunting dog, the agility king, the Instagram-worthy trick performer. They choose a dog based on breed stereotypes and their own desires without considering the individual dog's unique personality, needs and aptitudes.

Then, if the dog does not live up to those arbitrary, ego-driven expectations, the owner often views the dog as a problem to be fixed rather than an autonomous creature to be understood and accommodated. I have worked with countless "difficult" dogs who were deemed aggressive, stubborn, or untrainable by their owners, but blossomed beautifully once I helped the owner see past their ego and adjust their approach to meet the dog's needs.

For instance, I once worked with a couple who had adopted a young border collie from a shelter. They had visions of participating in dog sports and even competing at high levels. However, the dog turned out to be quite anxious and reactive to new environments and strange people or animals. The more the couple pushed the dog to perform, the more fearful and shut down he became.

Through our work together, I helped them understand that their ego-driven goals were damaging their relationship with their dog. Rather than defining success as achievement in the sport ring, I encouraged them find activities and a training pace that their dog truly enjoyed and felt secure doing. We focused on helping the dog build confidence and feel safe in the world at his own speed. Over time, their bond grew stronger and they were able to do more together, even if it looked different than their original vision. They learned to embrace their dog's unique needs and found far more fulfillment in providing him a happy life than in any ribbon or title.

This is the magic that can happen when we relinquish our egos and open ourselves to the wisdom our dogs have to offer. Dogs live in the eternal now, unencumbered by pride, regret, judgment, or ambition. They show up again and again with open hearts, willing to connect with us and explore the world together. When we set aside our preconceptions, agendas, and need for control and simply show up with the same openness, curiosity, and zest for life, extraordinary things become possible.

Beyond overcoming training struggles, letting go of the ego is the key to a transcendent relationship with our dogs. It allows us to luxuriate in pure, wordless communion, to appreciate our dogs' alien umwelts, and to expand our compassion for other living beings. By seeing our dogs as they are rather than as vessels for our own needs and stories, we learn to see ourselves and our world more clearly.

It is not easy, of course, to quiet the ego and engage in the vulnerable work of truly seeing and listening to another creature. Our human minds are so adept at constructing a "self" and guarding it against perceived threats, even from our most loyal companions. The ego knows how to twist even the best intentions, like providing our beloved dog a wonderful life, into a new identity to cling to and fret over. Its tendency to turn relationships into a reflection of our imagined self is remarkably persistent.

This is why I believe that mindfulness practices and self-reflection are essential skills for any dog owner. We must cultivate the ability to observe our own egos in action, to notice when pride, fear, or blind spots are driving our behavior rather than what is best for the dog. We must be willing to question our assumptions, admit our mistakes, and change course based on our dog's responses. We must practice letting go of what we think we know and being fully present with what is.

I have found that one powerful way to begin dissolving the ego in dog training is to approach each interaction as an opportunity to learn rather than to teach. When you give a cue or set up a situation, watch carefully to see what your dog does. Put aside your own agenda and definition of success and witness your dog's response with an open, curious mind. Let your dog show you who he is and what he needs. Be willing to adapt your strategy based on his feedback.

Another crucial element is to cultivate a spirit of joyful play and experimentation in training. When we get too attached to doing things the "right" way, we stifle our own and our dog's creativity and curiosity. Approaching training as a fun puzzle to solve together, rather than a test to be aced or a domain to be conquered, keeps us in a flexible, light-hearted state of mind. The more we can laugh at our own foibles and celebrate our dog's unique strengths, the less power the ego has over the process.

Ultimately, transcending the ego in our relationship with dogs is a spiritual practice, in my view. It demands that we confront our own deepest insecurities, desires, and delusions. It requires us to relinquish the identities and stories we grasp so tightly. It invites us to experience a profound form of communion and unconditional love. When we show up for our dogs without ego, when we allow them to be our teachers and our partners, we step into the sacred space where souls can truly touch.

As a cynologist, my greatest aspiration is not to train the "perfect" dog, but to help people discover the transformative power of really seeing and honoring their canine companions. The technical skills of training are simply a means to facilitate a deeper understanding and connection. My role is to guide owners in setting aside their preconceptions and ego agendas so that they can collaborate with their dogs with clear eyes and open hearts.

Again and again, I have witnessed profound breakthroughs and miracles spring from this approach. Aggressive dogs learn to trust and relax once their owners provide the right support and security. Shutdown dogs blossom with joy and confidence when their owners celebrate the smallest signs of engagement. And even owners who came in feeling frustrated and hopeless rediscover the profound beauty and magic of the human-canine bond.

In the end, dogs are far more than accessories to our egos and stories. They are sovereign beings with the wisdom, intelligence, and virtue to transform us utterly, if we are willing to listen. By recognizing their ego as the illusion it is, dedicated humans can give dogs what they need to thrive and open unforeseen portals to communion with another species. It is difficult and endless work to set aside the self and meet our dogs as they are, but I believe it is one of the greatest spiritual gifts we can receive. In teaching us how to quiet the chatter of the ego and exist in the eternal now, dogs connect us to the deepest truths of existence.

So to my fellow humans, I invite you: be willing to put down your ego and pick up the leash with humility and curiosity. Approach your dog as a teacher, a partner, and a unique individual. Embrace the messy, imperfect, miraculous journey of discovering each other. Have the courage to examine your own heart and change your mind. Let your dog show you how to find meaning and joy beyond the illusion of the self.

This is the true art of dog training, of consciously sharing life with Canis familiaris. It is not ultimately about domination, status, or achievement -- but rather a dance of communion, play, and radical presence. By committing to this path, you open yourself to profound personal and spiritual growth. And you give your dog the greatest gift of all: the freedom to be exactly who he is and to enrich your life in ways your ego could never dream of. As your trusted cynologist, I will be honored to guide you on this journey. Together, let us explore the art of interspecies being.